Things to Consider
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Sexual Freedom in the broadest sense imaginable is behavior balanced by love as the influence of awareness of peace (our reality).
Sexual Instinct would naturally express that freedom if it were not squashed and called dangerous, and if it were allowed to blossom in its own time rather than a time dictated by tradition or religion or fear.
Sexual Freedom as it pertains to sex acts between people is just that...freedom to be human without synthesized interference.
We can never be lastingly free in any sense of the word until we are willing to open our hearts and be influenced by the only thing that is real. In that reality, we live, move and have our being.
In every fiber of what we are, our reality is peaceably and silently present as the very essence of peace. Allowing it to walk through the doors of our lives, and of our world...and treating it like the honored one that it is, reestablishes true honor, that is always just, completely free, without partiality or conflict, and is peaceable because peace is held dear instead of our prideful traditions.
The Source of the Fabric of Our Lives:
These two fine threads weave the fabric of our lives. When either thread is not given the attention it needs, our fabric quality suffers. Whether we look around us in the world today, or look far back in time, we find the need for restoration of the weave through balancing being with being human.The Ongoing Weakening of the Fabric of Our Lives:
We've learned to follow tradition, and to actually "follow the leader", whether religious leaders, government leaders or recognized experts. Especially critical is that, from the beginning of our lives, we've received some of our earliest indoctrination in tradition, societal mores and propriety from our parents, long before formal training kicked in. While this process seems beneficial, keeping everyone on track, additionally following tradition habitualizes our looking to others for authorization to think, feel and do.We can look for the bad guys and demonize them, but if we look closer, we will find that they are us.
Trust that which is faithful to govern our lives in the world...our shared reality.
"Take no thought for tomorrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the [denial conflict] thereof [without our constant focused exacerbation of that denial]." TRUST Matthew 6:34 (with emphasis and clarification added)
Related Reference in "A Course In Miracles": ACIM 18.7 "I need do nothing." I do not prefer the spiritual entity characterization used in ACIM, but this particular passage gets right to the point. In fact, if one could read and grasp the import of this one passage, they would have gained 99% of the value of ACIM. Far too much time and effort is spent on the other portions, apparently without realizing that this single instruction is the key, and is the ONLY key that unlocks faith (which is not belief, but is reliance based in the certainty of reality itself...without all the spiritual name-dropping and somewhat hierarchical talk). Are there spiritual hierarchies? It really doesn't matter as far as this inner resource goes. Your reality is your reality, either way.
Despite my comments above regarding ACIM, I should mention how it is that I discovered ACIM.
Around 1978, while encarcerated, I began to notice insights arising within over and over. Some 16 years later and after my 1984 release, I realized that my attention given to this inner resource was a pure form of meditation. It was not until a few years after this that I began to realize that "doing meditation" wasn't necessary, and that this "presence" was there and available all the time. And eventually, it became clear that this which was in me...was me...my reality, which happens to be shared with all. This discovery is nothing "special"...but it is unfortunately often ignored...or...it is missed while seeking it due to beliefs and conditioning causing us to look for it where it is not.
Along the way, around 1992, due to a false allegation about criminal behavior (which allegations were never proven because it was impossible for there to be any evidence)...I ended up going to Parents United (not mandated, but simply being cooperative). Related to that, I began sessions with a social worker with a psychology background. We would talk about related subjects, but then I would always shift to talking about what I had discovered and which was most precious in my mind. After a number of sessions, this counselor asked me, "Have you ever heard of 'A Course In Miracles'?" I said no and asked what it was. She said it was a book that a friend of hers studied (and which she herself had not read)...and went further to say that a lot of the things I had to say sounded much like what her friend would say all the time.
Well, that was a little interesting, but I had no reason to check it out. A few weeks later, I decided to see if I could become involved in a study group for the works of Joel Goldsmith, an author whose writings I liked. Goldsmith was a prolific writer on various subjects surrounding a practice called The Infinite Way. He was Christian, and although I was not Christian any longer, I did have some appreciation of many things said in Christianity. I finally found a group, not far away, and went to the meeting. I was the only one there besides the man and woman who offered the study group. Apparently, that one meeting ended up being the only one they ever had. So I never ended up studying Goldsmith's works, even though I already owned 25 books written by him and had grown somewhat from reading his books. I was given an open invitation by them to come to their home and talk, which I did fairly often.
My wife began to accompany me on these visits, and a long friendship developed between all of us. They introduced us to (the) Alternatives to Violence Project; which we are still involved in today, some 26 years later (today operating our own local group in the community and in three prisons). If one looks under the hood, one discovers that it is based on looking for this same reality in everyone, referencing it as something innate to all people.
Then one day, the woman gave me a cardboard box of spiritual books to look over. When I got home, I skimmed through book after book, tossing each one in a pile that I most likely would not read fully. Then I picked up this dark blue book. It was "A Course In Miracles". As I began to skim through it, a passage would catch my eye, and then another, and after a few moments, I called down the hall to my wife and said, "Honey!!! You know all those things I mentioned which came to me as insights that I didn't understand or know what to do with (and so put them on a back shelf in my mind)? Well, they're here in this book!!!" That was exciting since I'd had no one who was interested in hearing these things. But as I began to go to ACIM study groups (after reading it), I discovered that they seemed to be stuck in a "choose again, and study the lessons over and over" rut, and were truly missing the point of it. So once again, I didn't really have anyone to talk to about these things.
Now I share my insights here on this web site. Just as I am not a follower of religion or of the Bible, so also I am not a follower of ACIM. There are many things in both of those texts that run contrary to what is shown within. Eventually, I began to realize that neither book was a guide or manual in the usual sense. Both were using a teaching method which I came to call "the two-edged sword teaching method". They would present a simple statement of truth, and then also present lots and lots of statements that went against the truth presented. It was left up to the reader to notice, and to realize that only the truth is true, and to further realize that it was not helpful for them to simply accept things because they were in a book or because an author was said to have inspiration or even to be quoting God, etc. And so it is, that each of us have within us this common resource as our reality. No one ever needs to wonder "who is right?" or to make decisions based on a belief in the answer to such an arbitrary question. Our reality shows us what we need to understand, according to what we are willing and currently able to consider, and perhaps come to grips with and accept. So, just as my early training in Christianity was..., so also ACIM was...a stepping stone (and in the case of ACIM, somewhat of a confirmation).
As much as possible, I try to not use "the two-edged sword teaching method". To the extent I am able, I put food for thought forward for people to consider, and perhaps ponder. But it needs to be clear that my words...are not the ultimate truth. The ONLY ultimate truth is not words, or beliefs, but is our reality itself. Accepting my words will never be enough. Each person must discover this for their own self. If after such a discovery, the insights you have arising for you look different than what I've said...that's wonderful...search your heart and go with it. It doesn't matter that the words differ, as words are tools of symbolism in the temporal realm...or in other words, tools of denial (and thus incapable of transmitting or representing the ultimate truth of reality's presence). The only thing that matters is that we open ourselves to the influence of that reality, and gradually become willing to accept its influence as the primary reliance and guide in our lives.
When we are born, in what seems to be ideal circumstances parents are overjoyed. When we're able to roll over on our own. Cheers go up. When we crawl...cheers. When we take our first shaky steps...cheers. When we say words...cheers. When we touch ourselves or someone else sexually...oops! No cheers. All too often the natural urge and its natural explore response are systematically squashed. People recognize that sex is important, but seem to have difficulty coping with it outside of traditions, claimed to be in our best interest.
Propriety and protection arising from society's judgmental eyes becomes the priority, whether it is actually healthy for us to learn sexual repression or not. It is our beginning in learning to modify our actions, not for actual benefit, but for rules-based ideas about the better good...and the foundation of "better good" is often a version of religious reasoning (even if secularized).
Substituting natural behaviors with propriety-oriented behaviors, often without adequate information or explanation, begins to lead down a path...a "normal" path we've come to accept and believe we understand, but a path with dire consequences. That path speaks to us...and says "their" ways are better than my ways. Although we accept this path, we make exceptions, such as little white lies, or such as associating with whoever we want and doing much of what we want but keeping it hidden. This further develops into politeness, people pleasing, agreeing to do things which we inwardly really resent "having to do", as though we don't have a choice. We hide things from our parents; we hide things from our teachers; we hide things from the law; we hide things from our boss at work...and so on. At some point we may find ourselves involved in military service. It's about doing what you're told, not what you think or know is best. And higher up in the military, it's about such things as "peace keeping", rules of engagement (ROE), and plausible deniability in conjunction with governmental and political agendas. So you see that this tiny little thing of having our sexuality interferred with at a young age, continues in various forms. And this is not without consequences, both for individuals and for certain groups at specific times, as well as consequences for global society.
Societies are dysfunctional in various ways. Some seem more dysfunctional than others, but this is true in all societies in which behavior is controlled by leaders or by rules, rather than by the influences of direct inner awareness of our shared reality. People look around, frustrated and sometimes desperate, looking for an answer. "Why is society so messed up?" They look for remedies and solutions one after another. Some of these seem very good, and yet when applied, it is usually by establishing rules or laws, and setting up ways of controlling people's behavior, whether any given instance is right or fair and reasonable or not. There is collateral damage. But this is rationalized with ideas such as ""We're choosing the best practices, the better of several evils, and doing these things for the greater good"...and reaping terrible consequences as the result, never even guessing that these things are the cause, not the cure.
This is very similar to the experience of going to the doctor, being examined, and having the symptoms of your maladies treated, but not the cause. Not always the case, but it is very common. Some have realized that the solution lies with helping children to understand how to communicate and interact more effectively. The problem with that however, is that the adults attempting to teach them this do not understand the actual cause, so they treat the symptoms on one hand, and try to train children in developing better rules of behavior on the other. But more rules and laws simply is not the answer. Trying to behave in better ways has a benefit and value, but it isn't enough because the priority and focus are incorrect.
To really get to the root of societies' state of being dysfunctional, they need to look, not so much toward teaching children, but more toward learning from children. In some ways, children are more in touch with their instinct...their HUMAN instiinct, rather than being in touch with fearfully synthesized, millennia old religious and traditionalized ideology, rules and corresponding laws and propriety. Watch them. Learn from them. Consider that they actually know more than the adults do in some areas. They know what they need to do, what they need to explore, experience and learn. And yes, they can be very selfish about it, and emotional. All the more reason to give extra close attention to understanding them...not in adult terms and viewpoints, but according to THEIR views. They need our protection and guidance in many areas. They need our love. But they do not need our synthetic sense of priority, our learned ideology, or our ever-present willingness to control them in everything, etc. On one hand, children need to learn boundaries. On the other hand, many of the boundaries they are learning are not in their best interest, or the best interest of global society.
True power is peace, not control. Exercising of behavior completely within the context of true peace may be difficult, and at times seemingly impossible, however allowing one another to move in that direction whenever and wherever possible leads us all toward a better, more loving, and less conflicted society. People can learn that they have opportunities all around them to participate in society in useful, helpful ways...ways that they often automatically adopt as their own ways because they want to contribute to the interaction patterns they see. When behavior patterns are pushed on them, forced on them, or coerced from them, hurt and fear, along with resentment, secrecy and two-faced behaviors arise. Using control and saying it is power (instead of peace) is denial of the truth...evidence-based though it may be. Know the truth and be freed by it, for in reality, we are already free.
An example of judgmental and dysfunctional behavior by society is the way they've learned to fear and hate sex offenders, and yet they know very little about why so many people do these things or what a real solution would look like. People known to society as sex offenders are but the tip of the iceberg...one that needs to not be submerged any longer, but faced and coped with in ways that are beneficial to society instead of in ways which contribute to tearing it apart. People see the problematic behavior, fear and/or hate it along with detesting the people who do those things, and jump straight into laws and control, punishment and ostracization. This reaction is actually understandable, and yet if society will take the time to properly examine what young children are telling them, and if they become willing to heed the messages received from them, the root cause of basically all of societies' ills will fall away from us by attrition, as more and more people act lovingly with children and all people, instead of trying to control everyone. No one likes being controled. There are times when control is necessary; however, many cases of control believed to be necessary are not. I realize this subject brings up pain for some people, and quick anger. I don't think we need to feel sorry for sex offenders, but we do need to understand how our society is actually generating them in large numbers on a regular basis, generation after generation. Without understanding this, the problem will not just go away. Punishment is a deterent; however many people do not realize that many people involved in these things or any behavior society will punish (including all criminal behavior) simply go deeper underground, and are more secretive and careful. I won't get graphic about that, citing cases (already handled by the law) that I became aware of, but the bottom line is that punishment and ostracization is not only not the solution, but is a factor in making things worse in very scary and detrimental ways.
Although I am citing ostracization of sex offenders here as a symptom of dysfunctional behavior by society, it is important to note that localized ostracization according to need is not dysfunctional, but necessary in the short term. People need to ensure that their vulnerable family members and children are not targeted, continuing the very problematic cycle of desire and abuse. Still, learning to cope with the problems (which society has created by their traditions) is more ideal, although difficult...with the greatest difficulty being that society in general has not been willing to look at that aspect, but instead has preferred demonization, ostracization and vengeance. My comments about a dysfunctional society really alludes to our need to correct the traditional practices used on a societal and global basis, which traditional practices lead toward dysfunction in a very generalized sense. A primary factor in dysfunction development is interference with natural development of human sexuality. Putting our heads under the sand so to speak, and pretending all is well simply won't cut it. We do need to protect and be cautious when dealing with these behaviors. If we become willing to open ourselves (within) to notice awareness of our shared reality, such "dealing with" can become a means of protecting "after the fact"...for many of the people doing these behaviors were caught up in the same problem when they were younger. Punishing doesn't help, but actually makes things much worse. As adults, we all need to become responsible for whatever our part is in that; however, once involved in that problem, it is often not an easy matter to cope with the fallout from it, whether one views themselves as a victim, a perpetrator, or just a person having difficulty in one way or another. If the last 10-20 generations of child-rearing had recognized the need for free, autonomous development of human sexuality, many of the aberrant or dysfunctional behaviors in society would either be much lessened or be absent. That is where the correction needs to begin. An unfortunate societal condition is that religions are viewed as guides and their beliefs used as a moral compass. Rather than working for the benefit of mankind as is thought, this leads humanity down the very path we're on, filled with the fear-based dysfunction, conflict and violence we are now looking at. Yes...war is based on the same principles as taught by religions, many of which are about control in one form or another. Because we do not recognize this, and may even vehemently deny that this is true, we arrive at a societal condition that is as convoluted, conflicted and as messed up as it is. Behaviors of a sexually aberrant nature is but one symptom. War is another.There is no single answer.
I will start by saying it's not wrong.
However, it is not without problems. Some of those problems are generated by societal mores and traditions, or even the law. In today's world, there are any number of avenues for having multiple partners which are both legal and somewhat accepted. Whether it is appropriate or not would depend on each person involved in it.
Again, there is no one answer fits all. If "planning" such an arrangement, I suggest a long period of study, exploration of each other's attitudes and beliefs, behavioral preferences, and many other factors, discussing all of these together, before any specific plan is put in place, HOWEVER: It is preferable and perhaps more likely to succeed, when a multiple partners arrangement comes along organically, with the answers to all the above questions already known from experience with each of the partners. Rather than seeking to enter such a relationship, those who become involved simply find it attractive, workable, in keeping with their integrity, and helpful in various ways (many of which are not sexual in nature).
Note that not all multiple partner situations involve all parties living together. A single common household has advantages, and sometimes living in separate households can also have advantages.
People meeting their perceived needs in this way has often been actively suppressed. However, people's changing needs and desires are important, and at times situations involving multiple partners with varying roles can be helpful to all concerned. But that does not mean there won't be problems. We live in the society we live in...and the best of persons involved may eventually no longer be seen as the ideal partner to be in such a situation with.
Some people with religious backgrounds may run into much pressure from religious people and leaders in their lives. In some regions in the world, this can become a very, very serious issue, not to be ignored. But as to the common question, "Does God approve?", it is up to each person to find the answer to that question. However, if someone feels wrong or guilty about living in this way, that is not a good formula for success. Remember to care for yourself beyond any narrow emotional view. People who take the time to pause and discover inner awareness of the shared reality they have with all people, will eventually discover the truth of that question, thought by so many to be critical in an eternal way. Even if that discovery suggests strongly that it is not wrong, as I have put forward, you may still find plenty of good reasons to avoid that kind of situation and relationship.
Although not always the case in obvious ways, relationships, including any sexual aspects of them, can wax more and more desirable, requiring increased attention, then peak and sooner or later wane or dim and go out. Relationships often end because one or the other partner (who sincerely pledged to remain), find they are experiencing these changes.
Society frowns on the latter two of these behaviors, and at times punishes them, but that never seems to stop them. Why? Because it is the natural flow of denial, and thus also of sexuality...which is the core expression of denial present in everyone, a major part of what it means to be human.
People who do step out and try to find an exciting path with someone are not bad. They are people allowing the flow of this to carry them forward...in spite of the downside and at times, even in spite of harsh penalties.
The unfortunate thing is that society has become so dysfunctional that often these changes leave people in pain, angry and feeling violated, or even penniless and destitute. So despite this being "natural", it frequently is still very, very problematic. It is important to live naturally, but this only works well on a large scale when society has woven a broad community fabric capable of accommodating these lifestyles or changes. Otherwise, without such accommodations being built into the overall societal belief system, laws and common judgments, people may well bear an unnecessary burden or act out in very selfish ways that come off as cruel and uncaring. Additionally, with enough pressure or poor choices in living in a multiple relationship, one may end up causing harm to the very person or people they love...and perhaps children who are born along the way.
That said, there are many problems with relationships in general...not only multiple relationships. The key is to first pause and discover your reality within, and allow it to guide in all things. Only then are you fully prepared to consider what path you wish to live in life. Of course, if you've already been born, you will do plenty of choosing along the way. (Oh yeah...that's everyone.) First things first to the extent possible.
We tend to want to cling to the past, or to that which was true of the relationship in its earlier stage, but this can also be problematic, having people live much of their lives feeling trapped in a relationship and situation that no longer meets their perceived needs, resulting in unhappiness and possibly depression. Frequently, even with its downside, this clinging or staying with their partner is a behavior that works better all around, because we do not live in a society which has matured with awareness or understanding. This path also often makes children's lives better by keeping their parents on board, because "to children", most often the parents are the center of their world (even with cruel parents). Obviously there are exceptions.
Many couples would object strongly to terms such as clinging, and yet it is common. It is worth noting however, that many, many couples remain together for life, and their staying together does not involve clinging, etc. Earlier, I spoke of compromise as a fear-based behavior. Although this is true, there are "plenty" of instances where compromise is more of a learning experience about what works better. Then, rather than literally being compromise, it is a matter when people change their desire goals. Instead of seeking to gain a situation where things are done according to their specific desires, their desires become more aimed at win-win, and what works best for all involved. They may even view this as compromise, but it might be more appropriate to call it maturation and broadening the scope of what "me" is and wants.
Still, with patience, transparency, and growth on all sides, changing relationships and sexual partners is possible, with those changes sometimes being situations including multiple sex partners, or multiple partners with different roles in one's life, some of which are not participating sexually (any longer), etc. It is important to not leave people painfully behind or lacking in necessities, just to have seemingly better relationships for one's own self.
Sexuality in the Broader Sense
and its relationship to denial |
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The Nature of Denial & Sexuality
outside a relationship & beyond |
At the core of the framework of this world (and the entire temporal realm) is denial, or choosing to create, look upon, experience and rely upon imagery and evidence which appear separate, but in reality are not (because being separate is not real/permanent, despite any evidence). The nature of the vexation of mind called denial is that it creates by energetic activity, brought about by the concentration of attention and later focus. In order for denial (choosing, judging) to appear and to continue to appear, it must be grown from rudimentary specks as it were, to more obviated imagery, then built into structures and complexities.
This creativity is a progression for the first part of its cycle, outward so to speak from whole vision (which is the foundational basis of truth), ever toward separated vision more and more and more. It must grow in its denial in order to appear and continue because it is denial, and denial must deny in order to continue to be denial. Metaphorically, this part initiates converting mental wanting into choosing, spiraling away from its origin similar to a moon put in motion to orbit a planet. As the moon travels toward the farthest point (apogee) from the planet it is orbiting, the masses of both objects pull one another. (In reality, none of this actually occurs...in fact, nothing occurs in reality at all.)
Prior to this outbound journey, the moon has gained enough energy (typically from a previous cycle's second part)...to move outward, decelerating as it goes, until the greater mass of the planet overcomes this energy (at apogee) and draws its orbit back, accelerating as it returns toward where it started, the point closest to the planet (perigee). (Note: Neither the planet nor the moon literally go back to the same place, but the moon and its planet do so with respect to their respective orbits, rather than with respect to a specific point in space). This second part of its cycle is its inbound path, returning from the energetic creation of the first part, back to neutrality and release of the energy pattern. And yet its mass and momentum carry it outward again, repeating the cycle.
Actually, the moon and the planet (or a planet and its star) perform a sort of mass-controlled dance around a barycenter (the common center of mass around which two or more bodies revolve). I'm stretching a little to paint this metaphor, but the barycenter could be said to be analogous to the balance between attention toward and reliance upon reality, and upon the temporal world of created duality. It seems that this metaphor is significantly different in a sense, as moons, planets, stars, orbits and barycenters are all temporal...and would seem to not be mental. But actually, these are mental as well.
In reality, vision is whole, and one is always in reality.
In perception, vision is divided and partial, consisting of vexation-created temporary mental states causing illusion as:
By using their energetic denial and blocking of whole vision, these seemingly keeping all these in motion with overlapping mental structures designed to hide the truth. The ultimate whole truth which these hide is peace. These can be balanced against the forever-present backdrop of whole reality itself.
At the core of humanness is denial expressing, and that expression is sexuality in its broader sense, which people generally would not regard as sexuality at all. Sexuality, as the focal point within denial upon which our perception of separate self and world turns, is everything which is perceived to be separate, and to grow in separation, and then to shrink from its growing, and moving away from the perception of separateness toward a perception-oriented version of oneness...or joining.
vs.
Because of interference in the early development of sexuality by parents and society as a traditional norm, people sometimes adopt dysfunctional workarounds which at best are less than optimum when they experience relationships and acceptable sexual practices as unsatisfactory. Regarding the impact of such developmental interference, this does not only affect such things as the continuance of relationships. Masses of people cling to existing relationships or seek out other workable relationships and do fairly well. However, others are less able to find, choose and maintain workable relationships and sexual practices. This is not an excuse for them...really they don't get excused. Society punishes them, ostracizes them or otherwise removes them. But even if that did not happen, the beliefs and traditions they grew up with puts them through the wringer of guilt, as well as shame. These workarounds are sexual practices which are either less acceptable or entirely unacceptable and punishable by law. We get up in arms about the behavior of these people who are trying to cope with their feelings but who find themselves "seeming to be" unable. While there is some degree to which this is understandable, such understanding doesn't really help society to move forward in ways which do not create this aberrant behavior in the first place. I'm not going to go into what those behaviors are (and there are plenty), but I will point out that the root cause of these behaviors needs to be looked at and a way of reducing or removing the cause needs to be found and implemented.
The topic "Dysfunctional Workarounds" is mentioned here because, just as found in denial in general and in relationships, these undesirable, sometimes dysfunctional behaviors also wax and wane, resulting in people looking for new avenues of expression. For some, their searching can eventually lead them down very dark paths. It is vital that people who find themselves drawn into these aberrant behavioral workaround patterns find ways to extricate themselves. If they do not, being locked up for these is only one aspect of the more serious nature of the problems they will both face and cause for others. It can get much darker than incarceration, even for those who do not get stopped by any legal process or other abrupt process causing them to halt.
The public is right to be alarmed by certain of these, and yet the methods so often chosen in the attempt for a solution, involve passing the responsibility to government and law enforcement. Societies' avoidance of acknowledging its responsibility for being the root of the problems, and individuals within societies side-stepping any personal responsibility for being the solution...is part of the result of the original problem.
Society, by promoting its traditional interference practices, and individuals by participating in those practices and teaching them generation after generation, brings fear and resentment...not just toward those bringing the practices to bear, but toward the child recipient and later the adult recipient (i.e.- toward oneself).
The most important aspect of this fear and resentment is found in that
we no longer trust our instinctual urges to guide
, but trust oral traditions and those written in books.
More to the point, we no longer trust ourselves
(for we identify at a primal level with those instincts).
Foundation for a Dysfunctional Society
Arising from Interfering with Instinct Development
as a global societal norm
Carrying forward distrust toward self as well as resentment toward self for not being instinctually trustworthy is the basis of fundamental shame. So, in distrust and shame, we built our societies and their institutions...allegedly for the benefit of mankind, but actually to support our belief that we are innately untrustworthy and worthy of resentment, guilt and shame. Religions, right alongside their good works and warm social atmosphere, historically have also drawn a heavy underscore under that theme, demoralizing and dehumanizing people, while influencing governments to do the same...all in the name of authority and tradition. Solidifying that underscoring of the shameful ideation about mankind, religions have killed populations of people and stolen all they had, instilling fear that keeps people on board with their ideologies, often feeling grateful for dispensation of grace from a church (said very convincingly with church-written authoritative writings to support the idea that this is from "God").
Avoiding our "response ability" to love one another and substituting punishment as our burden or "responsibility" is a key aspect of the dysfunction arising from interference. We call this substitution justice, and yet nothing could be further from the truth.
There seems to be a lot to say about sexual preferences these days. It's hard to keep up with the labels and acronyms. This section however, will be rather brief.
If one prefers same sex or opposite sex for a partner, so what? If one wishes to obtain sexuality-related surgery, then they do...and it doesn't need a special label. If someone wears certain clothes at odds with society's current views about these as more masculine or more feminine, then they do. Are we really going to label people because of what they choose to wear? Judging and calling it "wrong" won't change it. Rather than changing behaviors being our priority, we need to look at ourselves differently than in the past, according to how increased awareness reveals our reality to be, allowing that understanding to influence.
People do not need special category labels or banners to wave before the public. I understand that many have been discriminated against without any real reason. They don't need labels to express being unhappy about being treated poorly or being outright abused or murdered.
There is nothing such as gay, or lesbian, or straight. Humans are sexual entities, embracing sexuality in many ways because it is the core of being human (including sexuality in a very broad sense which goes beyond what most people would call sexuality).
There are some who from birth seem drawn to one or another way of expressing their sexuality and any perceived sexuality-related needs and preferences. And there are some who seem to have adopted a particular preference or behavior pattern as the result of experiences during their formative years. In either case, they are free to express their non-harmful sexuality and preferences however they wish. Others may disagree and present many obstacles, including the self-righteous passing of laws to enforce their opinion and way of expressing as the norm, and to punish people whose views and practices are different. Just because a law got passed about it doesn't make it "right"...it just makes it enforceable, offering a lame justification for abusing others. In either case, parental and other interference with their natural development of sexuality and its expression in their lives impacts people in lasting negative ways.
The expression of sexuality (including sex act-related sexuality and the broader sense spoken of elsewhere on this site), is a process that waxes, peaks, then wanes in terms of interest. As interest wanes and people want the exciting experiences they had when their interest was waxing greater, they may do any one of a large number of things in order to attempt to regain these experiences and feelings in their lives. Some of this has been discussed in general terms earlier. In all variations of sexual preference, the direction and energy level toward regaining excitement and feelings perceived as lost can turn rather dark, endangering the health and well being of others, or even ending their own life experiences or those of others. So when one notices they seem to be lacking in the sexual or romantic feelings department, it is good for them to regularly review their views, motivations and any developing behavior patterns. Such review might reveal a good direction to go in order to find a happier situation in life. On the other hand, it might reveal that things are perhaps starting to turn toward dark, selfish behaviors for meeting perceived needs. If the latter occurs, getting some help might be worthwhile. A word of caution however: some professional help isn't all that helpful, and it is sometimes the case that professionals are just as much in need of help, and in the dark about what will be helpful, as anyone else. Regardless of what that resource type offers (and sometimes it can be quite good), one can always pause, turn within, and watch closely to see what arises in mind that is worthy of attention and wholesome to follow.
Be as free in sexual expression as possible (and legal). Allow others the same. Avoid behaviors that harm or are unwanted by others. Do not make the mistake of stepping outside the laws pertaining to human sexual behavior. Whether any particular law is right or not, it is still the law and has penalties. You won't want to live with these or drag other people into a need to live with them. I do not advocate going around trying to change every law you don't agree with, as I don't agree that law is what society needs in the first place (as society needs awareness of the shared reality of peace instead). Laws are put in place to control people. Sexual freedom, and in fact any sort of real freedom, is not about controlling people. It is about freedom...which starts within, and which is peace. Peace is not up and about changing laws, or resisting them. Instead peace guides our lives in ways that, if shared widely enough across the world's population, will heal the problems we face. Such a healed world may or may not include whatever your current preference is...but if not, it won't include controlling you about it. You will behave according to the inner guidance that is common to all who discover it...according to the openness you have to noticing that guiding influence.
A quick word about people deeply involved in law and the so-called criminal justice system and institutionalized religion.
A Note About Dark Behaviors
What if meeting sexual needs has already turned dark for someone, is already outside the law or seems to be potentially heading in that direction? Or what if you have questions about "needs meeting" or other comments or questions that are not about dark or selfish behavior? I can talk to you about that if desired. Do not at any time however, tell me about illegal behavior on your part or that of someone else. Such disclosure could possibly result in arrest. I can give some general information on various subjects covered on this web site. It will not be legal advice. It will not be mental health advice. If you need an attorney or a mental health professional, please seek one out.
Still, I have been able to assist people at times.
Two quick points to remember: Notice: I am a felon, whether reformed or not. Anyone on probation or parole with restrictions on who they can associate with should not contact me until those restrictions are lifted, unless they obtain written permission from their probation or parole officer (not for me, but important for you).
If you want something to stay private, then keep it private. I don't plan to share your private information, but it's your responsibility to share it with care.